Tuesday, 24 September 2013

3, 2, 1... Go!

So I've decided to be self employed.

I have also decided that I want to keep a blog - aside from being a handy way to discuss future work-based stuff without cluttering up the website, I hope it will also be a useful sounding board when I inevitably drive myself loopy from time to time.

I'm going to try and keep this first post fairly short, just a summary of what I want to do and maybe a brief bit of the thinking behind the decision.

So... what am I doing?

I am designing, making & selling my own jewellery and leather goods - which sounds like an odd mix every time I say it.
I've been making jewellery on and off for a good dozen years or so, with a general leaning towards working with sterling silver wire as my main material.
Working with leather is more recent, although thinking about it I've been doing that for maybe 5 years now? I'm still building my confidence with the leather, as I'm completely self taught and prone to self-doubt -.-

Why am I doing this?

In short: because I want to.
Now, those that know me may be questioning if I really have the right mind set/attitude to do this - I know I question it (pretty much daily at the moment).
I'm really not great at self motivation. I suffer from an ongoing lack of self confidence, and even when I do manage to find some it is very easy for me to lose it again due to little things that really shouldn't have such a huge impact. I'm improving, certainly, but I still have a long way to go before I'll be shouting from the rooftops about how blindingly awesome I am (without then melting into a puddle of utter shame and embarrassment).

...Wait, why am I doing this again?

I Love Making Things (enough for it to deserve the capitalization), and I love seeing other people like the things I have made (who wouldn't?). I can't deny the appeal of being my own boss, and the freedom to wake up on a Monday and say 'you know what, I'm starting an hour later today'. Yes, I do need to maintain the discipline of then finishing an hour later, but the flexibility is a big thing for me.
Now, on a deeper level, I think I'm also fighting my own demons. I have a fear of failing and of 'letting people down', and I think this has stopped me from really committing to things - if you don't jump you can't fall right? However I am fed up with backing down and giving up. I want to do better. I want (need is probably a better word here) to take charge of myself and prove to myself, more than to anyone else that I can actually commit to something and stick with it.

So that's the plan. I do not expect this to be easy - hey, it's taken me months just to start the blog >.< - and I do not expect it to get any easier any time soon. I still need to try though, so that's what I'm gonna do.


...That ended up a little longer and a little more soul-baring than planned, but that may be a good thing.
Tara for now!
Rebecca

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